I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
