yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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