im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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