How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
