there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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