I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
i think i just lost a toe
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
