where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize