god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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