break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize