I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
