angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
