I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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