you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
