I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
