We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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