wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
