I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
