im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
