dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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