She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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