Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
