your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
