We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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