so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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