I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
