After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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