Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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