it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
