Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
