I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
sex in a hospital.. check
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
