I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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