i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
