ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
