i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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