I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
