I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
