I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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