I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
