Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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