You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
