when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We got so high we made milksteak
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She swung at the pinata with crutches
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize