hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
