I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize