I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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