My first STD was from a foam party
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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