you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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