I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
