New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
