Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
