he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
