dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You need Xanax blowdarts
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
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