i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
