Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Please don't give away my fajitas
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
