so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
