i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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