great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
