when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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