he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
