the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I can't turn off my feet"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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