why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I need to sanitize my soul.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
