just come out here and I will go home with you...
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
