I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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