There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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