I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
