how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You took a bar mat shot.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
