you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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