Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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