After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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