**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
