Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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