I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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