I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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