I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize