oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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